Fear

Fear by Jason L. Moon
2 Timothy 1:7 says in the KJV “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Even though the scripture flat out says that God, Himself, didn’t give us the spirit of fear yet here we are a bunch of people full of fear. Full of fear afraid of almost every single thing and so much so that people are afraid to say something as I love you or I love God or better yet I love Jesus. We’re so full of fear that Christians, any Christian is afraid to say anything without looking like some kind of judge, jury and executioner. You’ve got people out here full of fear because of what the world says there’s some kind of economic crisis. Why is it that you can be so afraid of that situation but when it comes time to church or ministry work you’re not afraid of anything? Two and half months ago on October 20th 2009 I lost my job that I had for six months; yes you would think that I would be over it by now. But on with the testimony I didn’t tell a whole lot of people that I lost that job because either I felt (feared) they would pity me or think that I done something to get laid off or my personal favorite get off your keister and look for something you’re a man after all. See, not telling anyone was done in fear not in the power of love that God gave to me. See, I was so worried about what they were going to think of me that I kept my mouth shut. Fear of what people would think was in total control and not God. So, now once again I’m back on the grind searching for a new job again I have to fight the fear and also the thoughts of others coming my way.
Next point, fear can keep you from something that has been pre-ordered for you to do. See, there’s this call on my life that I need to answer but again I am afraid of why and how this call has been placed in my life. Once again that spirit of fear creeps in with its no one will accept it and family members will get upset. Now, family members that believe are the ones I’m concerned about not the ones who may not believe I’m afraid when God gives me a word for them that the believers will not do what God has sent for them to do totally looking at me and thinking that I’m speaking as me and not God’s representative. Well not anymore will that fear hold me anymore 2010 is the year I answer that call and stop worrying about what you, you or you is going to think about me. Now, it’s Jason Moon’s turn not to think about you or your words of “preparations for the future.” The spirit of fear is not going to hold me in 2010 or the next year or the year after that. That fear is bound by God and only God has bound that I have to say one thing and that is hallelujah!

I am tired…

I am tired…
I am tired…everything right now
I am tired…looking and looking and looking and not finding a job
I am tired…of being told that I don’t have a voice
I am tired…of being told that my voice doesn’t have any passion or any forcefullness
I am tired…that people tell me that I’m a pushover and let things slide by without the proper execution “revenge”
I am tired…of being looked at like that cute little boy that everyone in the family has a story about
I am tired…of being told that I’m lazy and I bust my hump for this family, church family and anybody else
I am tired…of being told that my internet friends are really some 40 year child molester
I am tired…of being asked when am I going to bring a girl to church
I am tired…of the creditors calling and trying not to cry over the phone that I don’t have their money
I am tired…of feeling so mad that I wanna walk back in the place where I was fired from and slapping the broad that did it in the first place
I am tired…of the physical pains that I feel
I am tired…of the emotional pains that I feel everyday
I am tired…of saying things that will later be used against me
I am tired…of wanting scream at the top of my lungs and still no one helping me through my pain but when you do it I’m there
I am tired…of being a best friend to you and your problems but when it’s reversed its a problem
I am tired…of worrying and fearing what my family thinks of me
I am tired…of living in fear of what others think of me
I am tired…of being told to keep everything to myself but I got to listen to you and your problems
I am tired…of having to be the rock of my family and that I have to stay as the rock because it keeps them going
I am tired…of feeling like giving up and running away to someplace new and leave all of this behind
I am tired…of wanting to punch the next person sitting next to me
I am tired…of wanting to cuss as loud as a sailor and still not feeling any better
I am tired…of always calling the girl that I like and not have her call me once and awhile
I am tired…of feeling borderline hate for some people
I am tired…of becoming almost numb to everything around me
I am tired…of my soul crying each night because everything and everybody is on my case about whatever
I am tired…of people believing God will provide for one thing and not the other
I am tired…of being alone
I am tired…of everyone else’s obsessive compulsive needs to find out every single detail of my life
I am tired…of repeating of myself day in and day out and I am literally crying on the inside
I am tired…of that the fact that people will not get this at all
See this is my voice, it’s full of hurt, pain and hurt but every day I get up say my prayers and go on with said day then either because I allow it to bother me or a design to strengthen me or just someone wanting to rattle my cage because they see me as a child or some kind of idiot.